Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
