I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
