Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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