I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
