Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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