Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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