our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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