I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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