I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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