Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
