apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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