Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
