yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
