dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
