i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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