I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
