I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
