At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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