My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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