Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
