And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
