it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
