I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
