I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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