Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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