so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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