I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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