Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
