my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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