i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
