Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
