If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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