the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
