i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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