Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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