If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
