A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
