i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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