i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
