im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
