I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
