What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
