I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
