stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
time to smoke my breakfast
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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