I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
