I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
