Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
