I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
