Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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