you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
