man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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