Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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