did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
