You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
