I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
third nipple confirmed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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