Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
