Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
