part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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