I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
