I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
