I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
