Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
