ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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