You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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